Episode 1 & 2: "Serenity"
Shepherd Book, to trained courtesan Inara: "I brought you some supper but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped...sin and hellfire... one has lepers."
Jayne: "Testing, testing. Captain, can you hear me?"
Mal: "I'm standing right here."
Jayne: "You're coming through good and loud."
Mal: " 'Cause I'm standing right here."
Episode 3: "The Train Job"
Mal: "Well they tell you: never hit a man with a closed fist. But it is, on occasion, hilarious."
Mal: "And Kaylee, what the hell's goin' on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?"
Jayne: "Do you know what the chain of command is here? It's the chain I go get and beat you with to show you who's in command."
Episode 4: "Bushwhacked"
Harrow: "I know him. And I think he's a psychotic lowlife."
Mal: "And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife community."
Inara: "Thank you for the wine. It's very... fresh."
Mal: "To Kaylee, and her inter-engine fermentation system.”
Episode 5: "Our Mrs. Reynolds"
Book: "If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater."
Mal: "I would appreciate it if one person on this boat would not assume I'm an evil, lecherous hump."
Zoe: "No one's saying that, sir."
Wash: "Yeah, we're pretty much just giving each other significant glances and laughing incessantly."
Episode 6: "Jaynestown"
Book: "What are we up to, sweetheart?"
River: "Fixing your Bible."
Book: "I, um...(alarmed)...what?"
River: "Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics - doesn't make sense." (she's marked up the bible, crossed out passages)
Book: "No, no. You - you can't...
River: "So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem."
River: "We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat." (rips out page)
(later) River: "I tore these out of your symbol and they turned into paper, but I wanna put them back, so..."
[River is hiding after seeing Shepherd Book without his hair tied back]
River: "You see, the snow on the roof is too heavy, you see, the ceiling will cave in. His brains are in terrible danger."
Book: "River, please, why don't you come on out?"
River: "No! Can't. Too much hair."